Pay Attention...

When my girls were young, they would run into the house from school ready to share the events of their day with me. Sometimes, I was in the middle of some task and didn’t want to stop and listen. I am a very persistent and focused sort of person and it was hard for me to break away and give them my full attention. That of course was not fair to them or a good parenting practice on my part. When they got older and tried to do the same to me…well let’s just say that I managed to get their full attention so they could listen to what I had to say. Truly this attention deficit is not something I am proud of and have always regretted not being fully present with my girls. What more could I have learned about my girls, their friends and school events if they would have had my complete attention?

In CPE or chaplaincy, we worked at learning how to be present with people at their most vulnerable times in the hospital. This is not as easy as it sounds. Only when we listened intently, did we make the connection between the physical heart issues that was often times exasperated by emotional heartbreak.  In other words, their hearts were broken. It is easy to think that because we are in the same room or even the same conversation, that we are truly present with someone, however research data indicates that is not the case.  Studies show that very often we are forming our response before the other person has finished speaking. What would it mean if we were more intentional in listening to each other? How might we gain a better understanding of one another and our differences?  As a chaplain, I experienced some very holy moments by listening to a patient’s story. In one case, a young woman had just returned to her room after surgery when I entered and introduced myself as the chaplain, She looked at me and claimed that she was “Wiccan” and did not need a Christian chaplain’s visit. I assured her that I was only checking on her and her family to see if there was anything they needed. Even though this young woman did not want any attention from me, her mom was the person that needed to be heard, as this was her second child who suffered from a rare cancer. Her son had died and now she was living through that same nightmare with her daughter. Had I not stopped to be “present” with this family, I would have missed the opportunity to be comfort this mom in her grief and fear.
 
Being present means that we know that whoever we are with, they deserve our full attention. One of the writers of Psalms reminds us of the benefits of listening, “Let me hear what God the Lord will speak, for he will speak peace to his people, to his faithful, to those who turn to him in their hearts… Steadfast love and faithfulness will meet; righteousness and peace will kiss each other (85: 8, 10).  When we listen to God with our hearts, we find peace and love. When we listen to others and grow in our understanding of them, we give peace and love. It seems to be a “win, win” for everyone. Let’s be more intentional in our efforts to listen and give people our full attention.